No More Relapses
Sometimes I was afraid
I didn't want to go so many years
then hear the same things come out of your mouth
that cut me open before
Harsh words about my honest weaknesses
or that my heart
my endless dedication would not be enough
I worried that you would grow bored of me
and tell me to get a life away from you
When all I want is to make you my life
The reason to wake up each dreadful day
and every day absorb a little more of your soul
while I give you mine.
Then there were the times when your energy
traveled through the state
South down the highway and blew in through my window
I could close my eyes and smell you next to me
Hear you whisper "kiddo"
and swallow me with your arms
And I wasn't afraid
I was empowered
Confident that you wanted me to wait for you
So I did
I got rid of the broken glass
and cleaned things up so you would
find me ready
for you to claim your territory.
is this going to be a habit?
am i a fool for not running away?
will my opinion matter?
would it be different if i were there?
are these the people that will benefit you the most?
what more might they ask of you?
there any chance you would ask me to do it too?
would it change you?
would you ever hide things from me?
how does it make you feel when you do it?
would it make a difference if i asked you to stop?
am i putting too much pressure on you?
do you need me to keep tabs on you?
would you like me to be your voice of reason?
is this just a phase in your life that you are going through?
do you need space to decide where things are going?
am i distracting you right now or do you need something more from me?
are you happy or unhappy?
can i do anything to help you in any way?
are you going to ignore me a little more now?
Take Your Time
I know I trust you.
The night you could have held me over the edge
but I was too timid
Not trusting myself
but only you
and now I have you
so far away
your time not occupied by me
And regretting not letting you hold me
over the edge
And still trusting in you to be there
When its over
That you'll trust
That you know
I'll be here waiting.
A Long One Please
You'd have me read for you
On a quiet lonely night
Made less miserable by the sound of a voice
Reading poetry by anyone
Good writers with harsh tones
Or an abstract view on the world that it had its own music
The cats were just fighting in the street
Yowling and biting over a piece of the road
The only noise of the night
Not even a coyote howling in the distance
But that deafening silence and hum of the highway
Cars coming and going to place we don't care about
Or don't know about
Feeling comforted still
Reading to you
As you are drunk and grasping
And I try desperately to be there
For you to grab on to
And just desperate
Not for a sleazy haunt
But the warmth
The touch that can be felt in a voice
Hoping my words would wrap around you like a blanket
The weight of them pressing on your chest
Making you feel
To face what you were running from
That particular night
It could not have been the same reason every time
Being a man that has lived so much
Collected milestones for the conscience
I'm trying to wear out your name
Soft whispers to myself pretending
You are here
I believe that and the world stops
My heart rushes
The earth stops shaking
And my mind ticks away at prose
Often drifting to that tub
The book I need to finish reading you
The joy of listening to the music
That I use to get by when I'm away from you
The connection made complete after months of longing
To be held and listened to
Touched at the soul
To touch your soul
Its MY soul
Its a little dirtier
But its my soul
I feed off it and gather inspiration
And unload the junk in my head
Or unload to you
Or on a piece of scratch
Or talk to myself as though you were here
I never catch myself until I am done
Then I drift off again
To your skin
Softer than the wind
Mapped out with character
I kissed every scar
Each its own symbol towards what you've been through
As we lay in that bathwater
A mixed soup
Melting as we slowly cook
Your delicious skin clinging to mine
Shooting adrenaline through my heart
As your sweat becomes the water
And I travel my fingers through your arms
And cupping your head in my hand
As the most precious treasure
Indulging myself with the texture
Of your hair
And holding you
Breathing up and down against you
Your gentle pulse whispers in my ear
Telling me to hold you forever
Echoing in my memory
Soft and loud
Gripping me with your arm
The body of a snake
Twisted around me
Keeping me held together
And melting into my skin
In the soup
I hear a noise in the yard
I know I wish it were you
Coming from so far for
That time spent in the arms
The arms of peace
Nothing more peaceful than that embrace
Like the one with you last
In that cold garage
That hot summer
The sky even gray
Why did I let you go
To fly a sky that is empty with out me
Just so I could go back into the woods
To fight my way back out
And into the sunshine